brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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