apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
