Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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