so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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