Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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