Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
