I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
