It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
