I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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