weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i have herpe
just one?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
