I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
