I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude i'm inner monologue high
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
