I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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