THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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