what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
