Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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