U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
