I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
