i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
