YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
