I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize