She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
