please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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