i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
