I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
