well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
