$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
