Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
