I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize