This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
