"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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