A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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