Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
