Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
