I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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