I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize