just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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