went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
