why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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