I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
