My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
