I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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