It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
