Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
