i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
