p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
