Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
