Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
