i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
