dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize