There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
