Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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