Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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