did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
