you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
