I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
