Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
