A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize