If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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