He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
