she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize