Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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