they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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