apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
