so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
