You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
