She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Randomize
