they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
