I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You made out with two different species that night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
