Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
