"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
