Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Mom said you looked used
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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