Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
