You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
