Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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