I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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