what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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