After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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