so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
