She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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