Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize