Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He passed out mid-signature
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
