did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
