Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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