The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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