my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You are a genius and a whore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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