I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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