Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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