so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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