I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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