I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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