Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
