Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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