I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
