Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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