If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
