I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize