He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
