apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
