im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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